I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
