walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
