I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
