Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
