Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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