I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
