is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
