The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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