i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
