It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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