drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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