I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
