I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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