we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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