having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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