Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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