Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
