everyone is single if you try hard enough
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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