after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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