If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
