I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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