is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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