I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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