On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
