It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
