Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
