last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
