member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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