My friends, they love my intelligence
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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