I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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