you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Text me some of your sweat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
