...so i touched it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
