She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
