She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
