I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
