Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
