I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
