i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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