She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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