My liver just broke up with me...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They are going to name an STD after you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
