is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
