I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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