Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
