He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
