oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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