I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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