I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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