Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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