??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
