I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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