Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
