Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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