Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
