i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
