I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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