Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
