And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
