I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize