she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
