I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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