Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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