can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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