dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
