I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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