I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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