i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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