I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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