feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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