So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
