I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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