I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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