google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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