I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's blow job season.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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