i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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